It's been a long time since I wrote my thoughts down on my blog. My life got so busy and writing is most of what I do so on my free time I try to do anything else. In case you are wondering grad school is going great but I will touch on that another day.
I found out the other day that Madadh passed away. If you haven't been following my past adventures, Madadh was a socialized wolf raised by Tony at Wolf Watch UK. Her and her brother Kgosi were the first wolves I got to see up close, observe and even touch. Kgosi passed away a few months ago and Madadh followed suit last week. They were both approaching nineteen years old which is a great age to live as a captive wolf, a testament to the care and love they received from Wolf Watch UK.
I decided to write up a bit about my favorite memories with these guys as closure but also to give you a taste of what it's like to have been this close to a wolf.
The first greeting.
I still remember this like it was yesterday. I had taken an eight hour train ride, a taxi and accepted a lift from a stranger all the way to get to the tiny town where the sanctuary was close to. I was particularly nervous. This was the first time someone had actually decided to give me a volunteering opportunity close to wolves and I would be damned if an expensive long ticket would stop me(side note: Thanks dad for funding all of these expeditions. This wouldn't be possible without you).
Tony drove in and picked me up. I introduced myself and we talked a little bit about the sanctuary. As we drove to around the typical English country side roads, a huge plot of land filled with pines arose of out nowhere. As if on cue the wolves began howling. Tony smiled and said they always howl when his jeep pulls in. I was excited.
After some brief introductions to the dogs and people present, Tony decided to show me around. First I saw Callow and Pepe. I caught a glimpse of Poppy. Then it was time for Madadh and Kgosi. These two black/gray wolves approached the fence, really happy to see Tony. He let Madadh into the large enclosure. " Kgosi is a bit grumpy around men." I didn't care. There was a wolf in the same space I was. Madadh came up, sniffed me, jumped on and nipped my lip gently. She then started wandering the large enclosure. We walked behind her as Tony told me all about himself, the wolves and Wolf Watch UK. I was transfixed. Madadh graced me with her attention a few more time and when I finally got my hand and caressed her fur I realized how lucky I was. The fur, coarse and wolly was a great indicator that this wasn't some sort of dog. This was the real deal. My day was made.
Even in the train ride home, riding with a muddy pair of jeans(I made a fool of myself diving in a small pond that I thought was shallower than it was. I even thought I could jump over it) and smelling of all sort of smells, all I could think of was Madadh, her eyes and how lucky I was.
Kgosi and the first hello
I was at Wolf Watch again. This time I was there for the summer. I helped around by helping with tours, feeding the wolves and all that good stuff. At night I spend time reading on wolves. I would be lying if I said I didn't get the majority of my knowledge from those nights. It's a miracle what no internet or phone signal can do. It was another day when Tony suggested we let Madadh into the large enclosure for some enrichment. I still don't know if he did it on purpose but he also let Kgosi out with her. At that point, Kgosi has been getting food from me for about a month but we didn't interact much apart from distracting him when Madadh came out for meet and greets. Like a bullet, Kgosi came for me, sniffed me a little bit and move out. Madadh stuck around for some long deserved ear scruffs. It was until later on when me and Tony sat watching the wolves, that Kgosi decided to come and investigate.
At that point, Madadh had laid the boundaries of our relationships. Foolishly I assumed the same applied for Kgosi. I moved to pet him, my hand always visible to him. He gave me the "don't " look. The think you need to understand is that wolves aren't inherently aggressive when it comes to social interactions. Kgosi's "don't" look wasn't one that implied an attack. I wasn't in any danger. It was simply him saying don't. Tony drew his attention and I gave him plenty of space until eventually I petted him. It was like petting a King.
It was a different feeling between the two. Madadh was more aloof while Kgosi was more serious. None the less I grew to love them both.
Our howls
I was up in the observation post, sitting outside watching Madadh and Kgosi from afar. I've seen Tony howl to the wolves before but I never dared tried. I felt that I would look silly if it didn't work. I was reading a book on wolf survey methods when they mentioned wolf howling surveys. It's when you hike around wolf country, howl and see what responds and where. I decided to give it a go. No one was around at the time so it would look less silly if I failed. I did my best Tony imitation and howled. No response. I couldn't be any more embarrassed at myself. "Look at you thinking you are the wolf whisperer all of a sudden" I said as I sat back down. Then a howl. Another one. A third. A fourth. Finally a fifth. Everyone joined in. Tears rolled at the back of my eye as these wolves howled back at me. As they stopped I started again. It went back and forth for about half an hour or so.
When Tony returned I told him the news. He smiled and said that they love their back and forth howling.
Not a day went by after that when I didn't howl at the wolves.
The pond
It was a day after we did some shooting at Wolf Watch. If memory serves correctly it was Merlin but it may have been another BBC production. Tony had let Madadh out the large enclosure to roam around. We sat by the pond discussing this and that, watching Madadh play with the water. She came to us and non nonchalantly rested her head on my shoulder for a few seconds before going to Tony. That display of affection still makes me smile to this day.
The last howls
This is perhaps my most recent but most earnest memory. I hadn't visited Wolf Watch for more than a year and a half. A lot changed in my life. I had worked at different wolf centers, I graduated(or was going to in a week) and was on my way out of the U.K, heading to Cyprus and then eventually California. I knew that after that it would be hard to ever return to Wolf Watch UK. I knew deep down that this would be my last visit for a long time.
Tony picked me up at the train station and we chatted as usual about what's going on at the center(they had a new wolf Anja) and he had met some people at Wildlife Paradise Park. It was exciting times for Wolf Watch and exciting times for me.
After the hellos to Eva and the assorted canines, Tony looked at me and said "Well do you want to go say hello?" I hadn't seen the wolves in a long time and although Tony and myself emailed back and forth, it's obviously a different thing. We entered the enclosure, when the now obviously senior wolves perked up. Madadh came up and said hi but Kgosi remained where he was. He eventually got up and said hello as well. We sat down and let them come and sniff and say hello. Madah sat down and started howling. The softest howl came out. Apparently she had lost her voice and didn't try to howl as often anymore. It was at that moment I realized that this may be the last time I ever get to see Madadh and Kgosi. I was right
Remarks
You have to understand that as remarkable that this relationship seems to you(it's my understanding that a lot people think so and for all I know I am glorifying something that wasn't as special as I make it out to be),it holds no candle to the relationship these wolves had with the man who raised them. Madadh and Kgosi loved Tony in a way that was obvious to even the most oblivious of people. Tony's love for them was the same. This is a man who decided to dedicate a large chunk of his life to helping wolves by rehoming them, raising them and making sure they aren't put down.
Madadh and Kgosi didn't just offer love, nips and fun times. They seared and sealed my passion to study and help wolves in the wild and in captivity. They offered me a first hand experience in what wolves have to offer and what wolves are about. They offered me a unique perspective in wolf life one that very few people get.
It all wouldn't be possible without Tony of course, who decided to share crumbs from his amazing relationship with these animals and gave me time and opportunities to interact with these animals but also encouraged me to pursue this. It's him I think about when it comes to loss. Thank you Tony for doing everything you did for me and letting me come close to these amazing animals. You are in my thoughts in these trying times.
Thank you Kgosi. Thank you Madadh. I will always remember the howls, the bites, the snuggles and the petting. I will always remember the feeling of your fur. May you rest in peace wherever you may be.
No loss is too small when the bond forged was strong.
If any of you want to support Wolf Watch UK and their amazing work check out their website.
